SHE

She was so different.

So charming and suave

In all her manners, grown.

As a lady she was known

She had a sense of style

In every way one could see;

Full of sassy moves,

Always a joy, to behold.

She bounced to a dreamy tune.

In the noise and the crowd.

With her private angel, what-nots

She in whispers crooned.

It was all so mundane sometimes.

She pouted her lips.

Still not knowing what joy'

Within herself She foremost seeks.

A smile playing over her

undecided lips, She speaks.

A story of herself and love

In a life so complete, so fulfilled.

She had the gait,

of one who knows the paths.

Yet mischievously she treads.

Never a flight for her too far.

With confidence in her eyes,

Happy as can be when caught

For sure she is of wriggling free,

Beware she knows all tricks and treats.

That wonder in your gaze.

Shall never cease. For;

She loves so, you can see.

But easy for you, she will not let it be

In abundant new sweetness

She everyday wakes.

That innocent blush heralds the day.

On her own wild and free, on a new way.

not an everyday story

Not many times I would say

That I kept the drift of life aside

Turned around and looked inside.

To find the peices have shifted and twisted.

The jigsaw has quietly rearranged,

No more what it used to be.

It talks to me even then,

But this time I heard a diferent story.



A story of me.

Something so different about me.

Not out of the ordinary,

For changes to duck in-conspicuous,

And while I have always seen

The wider world change all around.

The crucial time is missed

When I could see myself do......



Now in a situation somehow;

So ideal for my shaky revelation,

The sensations under my skin,

Make the colour rise in a silent blush.

The kaledeiocope suddenly alters.

The world is looking at me!!!



It takes a little time now,

Finding the threads and walk ways;

That have parted so long ago,

But cannot shift no more.

In senses can no more drift.

An uncomfortable warmth sets in.



It is not over yet!

For what is not within me now.

I see in others just the same.

A little lost in myself.

More so in what role I'am playing tonight

Coz I find the storyline, of;

The evolution natural in me,

Enigmatic and without an insight.

I find consistent in-consistency...is it true or just Me???

It's not past 2 years and i am already... i mean literally looking back in time as in an hour-glass to a girl who was all studious n all.... books and elocutions and competitions..... for whom being Right was so right.Thats me... I mean.... that was me.... I knew the same people then n whatever new is right now must be additions to my data-base.... so why such a metamorphosis.Can't even say I'am bad right now.... I have succeeded in evading brand-names... it's confusing and disturbing knowing full for sure that what I'am today I won't be say a year from now.So what is that me..... the non-changing format that transcends time.Take even social life.... youth is for sure going cause I'am miracles of all...feeling frightfully responsible.... God save!!!.The same friendly bull-shit sucks right now..... cause I'am not able to make the banter nor do I want to.... and the friends... oh I love them all so much; are aware of differences somehow and are different too.Deal with this.... my boyfriend who's like Everlast steel in my life is now into the desi-husband factor.... I miss the boyfriend-wala feeling..... the charms of forbidden but thoroughly bitten by the social-sanctions bug too.I was a compulsive blogger in my short stint till August n then a period of nothing and here I'am back... it's a little tough when you look back I guess.... cause as much ahead you move you are different.... an evolved entity for better or for worse.Can't help it.... but if it's like I'am trying to find a pattern in the chaos then.... well it's tough n anyways whatever... I'am already looking ahead.

Reaching Somewhere Different !!!!!!

I saw till there was nothing more I cared to see.
I heard all in favour and against until it ceased.

Now!!My judjement may not be The One.Of course..
You are afterall someone else.Not another Me.

You said right is this that stands justified my Dear.
But how is there the bad also justified for me to see??!!

There were so many of "those" words to clarify.
Many handy examples to pass out,to explain those things.

I somehow remain un-convinced ,my Dear.I do.
But I dont want to modify anything.Just let it be.

There is Your life for You to live.As you see.
As I have Mine to live in a way I see most fit.

Somewhere the questioning and pondering over matters
The tired "how comes" and "what ifs" do finally stop!!

I am almost there now, hoping not to turn back.I mustn't.
Just living as Me and You have always done together.

Some things change, like the others don't Honey!!
You got to live with some just as you do without others.

Different person's dont think alike now...
Do they??Will they??
And I'am left in thoughts as to what to name...
The destination where I stand today.Is it..??
What they call "acceptance" or the word "compromise".

Rainy Day n a Blue Mind!!

Since yesterday it's been raining and all the time the drops are cast onto Earth either in drizzles or gusts.... but its been goin on and I say too much of anything is bad.I look out of the window and see the leaves looking green, but the vision is of a very watery shade of green and instead of looking fresh they somehow seem to me life-less.... dunno if thats reality or just me???I am not one who is un-responsive to "beauty around" but I see no poetic inspirations in a vague, watery, grey sky.I look at the city dwellers trudjing through the sloshy streets.... so unaccustomed to a violent spray when we lead such high-n-dry lives!!!

There were rainy days when I have gone out and danced...felt the raindrops caress my skin and gone into dreamlands through those dazzling drops.....And there were those cozy days when the rain would mean coming back to a warm home and warmer arms... all soddy and muddy.... when the aroma of coffee as u dry your hair lifts you through the roof to the crazy skies....ooof....such were some lovely days and I have loved the rain to utter bliss...and also there are days just as today....when i can't wait for it to stop.

This brings me to a reflective angle....and I ponder as to why there is the difference...... is it the way it rains?.....ya could be... cauze today its like the Gods crying(but why?I have been a good girl of late!!??!) and the world looks like a tragic water-colour painting gone bad.Cause there are also those magical summer rains when crystal drops enchant the streaming sun-light of blue skies.... and there is a rainbow around in the corner of your lusty eyes....and how much ever you look you can't seem to get an eyefull....

But could be a state-of-ma-mind as well?....well if the rain falling incessantly awakes the moody blues and I turn into the tragedy queen...well no wonder the skies look lost....hummmm!!Through all this I keep peering out of the window in silent and written contemplation and the day does not seem to get better..... so I must go excavate that lovely butteyfly raincoat of mine(remember...beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder or the wearer at least!!) to make the most of a rainyday cause I need to go out...and life must go on anyway.

Darker Shades Of My Passions

I feel those sparks fly again
And the creepy , icy fingers closing in,
Prefacing the searing , scorching pain.
My mind is going blank and phased out.
I am scared of what lies within me.

Much beyond the realms of emotions,
There it is again , looming large.
The ugly side of my love I bear
Passions in extremes...pure and sinister.
There is my bitter-sweet torture all over again.

As I go down in spirals... further...
The void inside me opens wide....embracing,
The pain that shoots up and I gasp.
Powerless I know what will happen ahead.
It's nothing new but always alien.

My life and the whole essence that be;
Once entwined with the vines of love,
Lashes out with claws of despair.
When time freezes and innocence ceases.
I feel the shards wounding again.

Inside my dark and deepest moorings,
I know the why of all that is going on.
In knowledge of my sublime crucification,
I feel those nails driven deeper...And
What bleeds from my cravings.

I let myself go...mind , heart and soul.
The way I chose to love and the living
Even with moments such as these.
Death is but a part of living.....
I have lived my moments through my brushes with death.

Letter From My Mom.

My mother wrote to me.
About who I am and...
What I need to be.
After the years gone by...
I recieve all that is..
The long and short of it.
What I turned out.And
What she wanted me to be.
How good I am
And what is bad in me.
In the words
That remain unwritten
Are countless dreams
Tears and ecstacy.
My mistakes oft repeated
She points out.
What I never learnt
That she had tried to teach.
That she is happy...
Just as she is sad about me.
All to the point
Conveyin what it should
And nothing more.
It is just as she
Just as always I have known.
I get the hint aloud
But something confuses
I read more into it
But find there is none.
That is how she always is.
Expressing the needful
To her only child ,her daughter.
She must have thought
Long and hard.
That is why I see
Short is the message in it.
It condensed in brief..
All the arguements present n past.
It explained simply
What was complicated in me.
Holding my hand in ease..
When I first started walking away.
Finally I read...
Of the immaculate ideals.
Of the what n how...
A person should be.
Glad I am ..that today...
My mother wrote to me.

My mother is my strength... she is the rock of gibraltar for me.... she is my love.... she is my inspiration.Thank you mom.