Reaching Somewhere Different !!!!!!

I saw till there was nothing more I cared to see.
I heard all in favour and against until it ceased.

Now!!My judjement may not be The One.Of course..
You are afterall someone else.Not another Me.

You said right is this that stands justified my Dear.
But how is there the bad also justified for me to see??!!

There were so many of "those" words to clarify.
Many handy examples to pass out,to explain those things.

I somehow remain un-convinced ,my Dear.I do.
But I dont want to modify anything.Just let it be.

There is Your life for You to live.As you see.
As I have Mine to live in a way I see most fit.

Somewhere the questioning and pondering over matters
The tired "how comes" and "what ifs" do finally stop!!

I am almost there now, hoping not to turn back.I mustn't.
Just living as Me and You have always done together.

Some things change, like the others don't Honey!!
You got to live with some just as you do without others.

Different person's dont think alike now...
Do they??Will they??
And I'am left in thoughts as to what to name...
The destination where I stand today.Is it..??
What they call "acceptance" or the word "compromise".

Rainy Day n a Blue Mind!!

Since yesterday it's been raining and all the time the drops are cast onto Earth either in drizzles or gusts.... but its been goin on and I say too much of anything is bad.I look out of the window and see the leaves looking green, but the vision is of a very watery shade of green and instead of looking fresh they somehow seem to me life-less.... dunno if thats reality or just me???I am not one who is un-responsive to "beauty around" but I see no poetic inspirations in a vague, watery, grey sky.I look at the city dwellers trudjing through the sloshy streets.... so unaccustomed to a violent spray when we lead such high-n-dry lives!!!

There were rainy days when I have gone out and danced...felt the raindrops caress my skin and gone into dreamlands through those dazzling drops.....And there were those cozy days when the rain would mean coming back to a warm home and warmer arms... all soddy and muddy.... when the aroma of coffee as u dry your hair lifts you through the roof to the crazy skies....ooof....such were some lovely days and I have loved the rain to utter bliss...and also there are days just as today....when i can't wait for it to stop.

This brings me to a reflective angle....and I ponder as to why there is the difference...... is it the way it rains?.....ya could be... cauze today its like the Gods crying(but why?I have been a good girl of late!!??!) and the world looks like a tragic water-colour painting gone bad.Cause there are also those magical summer rains when crystal drops enchant the streaming sun-light of blue skies.... and there is a rainbow around in the corner of your lusty eyes....and how much ever you look you can't seem to get an eyefull....

But could be a state-of-ma-mind as well?....well if the rain falling incessantly awakes the moody blues and I turn into the tragedy queen...well no wonder the skies look lost....hummmm!!Through all this I keep peering out of the window in silent and written contemplation and the day does not seem to get better..... so I must go excavate that lovely butteyfly raincoat of mine(remember...beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder or the wearer at least!!) to make the most of a rainyday cause I need to go out...and life must go on anyway.

Darker Shades Of My Passions

I feel those sparks fly again
And the creepy , icy fingers closing in,
Prefacing the searing , scorching pain.
My mind is going blank and phased out.
I am scared of what lies within me.

Much beyond the realms of emotions,
There it is again , looming large.
The ugly side of my love I bear
Passions in extremes...pure and sinister.
There is my bitter-sweet torture all over again.

As I go down in spirals... further...
The void inside me opens wide....embracing,
The pain that shoots up and I gasp.
Powerless I know what will happen ahead.
It's nothing new but always alien.

My life and the whole essence that be;
Once entwined with the vines of love,
Lashes out with claws of despair.
When time freezes and innocence ceases.
I feel the shards wounding again.

Inside my dark and deepest moorings,
I know the why of all that is going on.
In knowledge of my sublime crucification,
I feel those nails driven deeper...And
What bleeds from my cravings.

I let myself go...mind , heart and soul.
The way I chose to love and the living
Even with moments such as these.
Death is but a part of living.....
I have lived my moments through my brushes with death.

Letter From My Mom.

My mother wrote to me.
About who I am and...
What I need to be.
After the years gone by...
I recieve all that is..
The long and short of it.
What I turned out.And
What she wanted me to be.
How good I am
And what is bad in me.
In the words
That remain unwritten
Are countless dreams
Tears and ecstacy.
My mistakes oft repeated
She points out.
What I never learnt
That she had tried to teach.
That she is happy...
Just as she is sad about me.
All to the point
Conveyin what it should
And nothing more.
It is just as she
Just as always I have known.
I get the hint aloud
But something confuses
I read more into it
But find there is none.
That is how she always is.
Expressing the needful
To her only child ,her daughter.
She must have thought
Long and hard.
That is why I see
Short is the message in it.
It condensed in brief..
All the arguements present n past.
It explained simply
What was complicated in me.
Holding my hand in ease..
When I first started walking away.
Finally I read...
Of the immaculate ideals.
Of the what n how...
A person should be.
Glad I am ..that today...
My mother wrote to me.

My mother is my strength... she is the rock of gibraltar for me.... she is my love.... she is my inspiration.Thank you mom.

"Hey people thats my space....!!"

Since my time on this planet I have rubbed shoulders with people and have been left back with many imprints of how we look at eachother..... stupid funny irritating saddening and some down right infuriating moments.But sometimes theconnection lingers and comes back in the most amazing way and at the weirdest time. The difference being that my perspective towards it changes in reflection.Then like a chain reaction it leads to other long forgotten moments in bubbling sucsession...like flippin through the much loved pages of an album with pictures that had comeout all wrong but r stupidly funny.From the snapshots of such an album of mine are stillframes of how i was at odds with mankind......

• We the youth...atleast the more in sync with the social life subscribe as I think to a coffee-culture where conversation,intellectual exchange,matters of heart and mind and soul happen over a cup of coffee and it is the prime site for a person like me to look at people and probe their mind and souls unaware...he he... But fate and the magnetic force of love challenged me that day!! There is this particular spot by the window where I like to settle down with my coffee and a book and consider it my space in the block...but no!!! There they were perched like the pigeons that frequent my balcony ....much like they were in a different world and i was a sad little alien.With eyes looking into the depths of eachother's soul and hands clasped in eternal embrace they wouldnt give much attention if their coffee(which had already gone cold btw !!) would spill all over them.No wonder the 5 mins I spent witnessing their Oh-So-Cute-I-Wanna-Puke romance in indignant stupification did not make them realise that they had encroached my space and violated the sanctity of my reading joint with their still-parked emotions.I walked out angry and irritated fuming to myself but now as I look back, somehow that couple take on a caricatured look of a comicstrip that I am reading on a sunday and just the same I laugh at the deliberate blindness of lovelorn souls.Phew!!.....
• In another such brush with the population i found my space over-run by a testimony of what we keep out of our usual happy life out of our helpnesses to act and our impotency in being able to rid the world of it.Poverty is rampant in India and in my city and it is a plague that affects society corroding its image ,values ,utility and progress.Very much present in our world .That day as I nudged my veichle into the community garage I found my alloted space takenup by a ragpicker and a random toddler that had hung onto her.Distended belly and vacant eyes and disarrayed attire greeted me but remained unmoving and for the period I sat think behind the wheel of that sorry spectacle ....my heart and my helpnesses were the only things that moved.Inconvinienced no doubt for a few days I was more disturbed to find them one day abruptly gone(for i had come into a habit of checking on them) and some how I felt infuriated when informed that they had been driven out in no polite terms.It was my space that was their shelter and temporary though it was,I chose who to share my space with and as the thought of the duo onthe streets with hunger n cold for company unsettled me...I thanked the guard for his unwelcome invasion into my territory.
• Like most other single children I am pampered and spoilt and a part of this extends to having places at home demarcated as mine in bold letters in an abstract pen that Ilove and so so miss when I am far away.There is this particular place at the dining table where I sit with the breeze of that ancient table fan on my face and from where I see everybody else.Used everyday to having my lunch served in my space n tracing the path while thinking something else(as usual..absentminded that I am)I was shaken out of my reverie by the sight of my cousin...a naughty kiddo baring his teeth in a knowing and My-God-Iam-So-Smart smile that made my blood boil.But its the duty of elders to be tolerant and set an example and I had to make a comeback after reaching my boiling point.But as I see it now.... the kiddo has grown up to be a very out-doorsy boy who prefers lunching at college and while I miss the fun of him as a toddler I still fight with him .The encroachment of my space that had made me put up no tresspassing signs all over my room for that kiddo makes me laugh at my stupidity and how much all of us babies have grown up over the years.

Thus there have been funny moments and sad and reflective and thought provoking incidents of how while makin my space in the world I met with resistance but over years I have learnt how to give and share and grow with people and interacting thus with my fellow-men I have learnt much about people..of all sizes shapes colours contrasts etc enriching my data-base about the environment and its denizens. But each one of us needs that space to breathe.....to come to terms with life and all that we know ..to reflect ....to contemplate ....to do what we like best and while guests are welcome , invasions ...sorry thats my space u r treading on.Keep Out!!Some part of me or may be my mind refuses to be over-run by the random.

Happiness in Giving…….

One does not understand Worship without Faith;
One does not understand Faith without Love;
One doesnot understand Love without Giving.

I live in a generation where there are many a follower of that gospel of materialism ....the religion of fulfillment and the creed of the selfish.....while in no way condemning them cause I am just like them and no saint....I am still happy for there is that other tribe that I also see. The messiahs of love... compassion.... charity ... forbearance....much more valuable and beautiful than gold.

In the eyes of my parents i see that never-ending river of love that does not seek but only gives.The willingness to do the best they can for me.... it moves me but it does not make me feel small.When my sister seeks my help it makes me realise how good it feels to be able to help and when I give her my time and my mind.... its with such a fulilling joy.In such as are my rendezvous with the better part of me and the world I find that giving does not need much more than the minimum effort and a sincere will.... I would love to live in a world of such people finding the sunny side of life in simple things.

As I ask Father a warm heart and a palm in pride and love cast downwards in a gesture of bestowing I seek the means so that I may fulfill my desire to give in modest terms....
For I know how it feels to give when something is tearing your heart from within....
Giving love without a reason....
I worship that elavated soul free from mockery and whim...
The World where living and loving does not await a happy season.Amen.

Temperature Rising!!

I could feel the temperature soar inside me and a pressure on my system starting to suffocate. The feeling of oppression gathered its fiery arms in a massive hug n the outbreak of venom in my pompous ego overwhelmed my reasonable hold. The viscera surged emotions all wrong and sweat poured and mind konked out of control. All that was past and present rolled into one vile whole and pushed themselves forward. The time was such for questions to be asked and no ackwardness to withhold and everything merged into unbalanced equations of now or never.

Truth or Dare ......False and Fair stood no chance with the mind in the grasp of that unwelcome guest of fury. Words are not measured when decibels rose and facts and muck all muddle up. The whispers of the tiny voice of a bleeding heart just overstressed the combined forces of humanly and divine evil when consequences and perceptions resulting in one major un-foretold erruption. Patience and its limits tested , when "forgetting" i could not , i spilt my guts and unburdened that troubling load. Out in the open now it stands and how it shifts is for me to see but glad i am for that angry furore.

Not to offend or chastisize , its more like speaking my mind and just as emotions happy or sad , good or bad dawn upon us as masks when we speak..... anger is my mask for that long-needed release. Dispassionate I write as my mind rewinds about how this blessed devil had taken me ahold.

The Archer

He stood still , his muscles tense.
Breathing shallow , betraying no emotions far.

Ahead lay his goal to reach.
Exalted Art that is not for all to seek.
Brave Hearts for a sport of Kings.
He must beat the best to conquer all.

Gaze held fast upon the target,
He solemnly draws aim on that razor's edje.

His being shudders in abrupt release
As the arrow departs from the quivering bow.
Living and cutting the cumbersome wind.
Majestic and lightning in it's speed.

The Archer pained in excruciating calm,
Smiles enraptured at the vision of victory's mark.

WAITING ………

Time has stood still far too long….
The door hasn’t been knocked in a while…
The windows creak off n on;
The breeze is feeling blue.
I am inert n totally without a clue!!!

The clouds are not many…
The afternoon is dusty and dry…
The road is burned and alone…
No footprints…No tyre grooves.
My eyes look and nothing moves!!!

Dust spirals up in circles disarrayed
Dried leaves are tossed about
Helpless like puppets in a play
The flowers have even turned grey
Thoughts in my blank mind have gone astray!!!

The noon sun wanes along…
Just as violent gusts of wind blow.
The overcast skies thunder aloud.
The evening storm like a giant bellows
White noise:I am unable to follow!!!

The night with the passions untold
Is in vain with en-clustered moon n stars.
Twinkles are all amiss
Curious even they try to peep….
After all why is that I weep!!!

For with my breath held I have sat.
Watched the clock tick by.
The days have obediently followed eachother.
Assured:I know in time shall he arrive.
But alone how can happiness thrive!!!

Gold Earrings.....

I love being a girl.....i love the side of me that is pampered and spoilt, loved and cherished and cared for and protected. I have my dreams of making a beautiful bride and a good companion to my life partner who shall be with me through everything ...love me ....make me happy n be just excited as me in building our new life together. I enjoy giggling at silly jokes and gossiping to some extent....i have no hang-ups!!Insane amount of time window shopping and ooh'ing and aah'ing at beautiful clothes......i love it all.I love when my friends surprise me and also nag them to no end....but care for them with a loving heart and bless them all good health. I love being treated like a china doll by people who love me n even cry when it does not hurt...i love the attention and i am modest in accepting.


I am a daughter and i don't have to demand of my dad.....my wishes are magically fulfilled and if a fight then i emerge victorious.I am a girl after all.... a darling daughter.I'am papa's girl.....n I just so love it. I am the princess in my kingdom and i get all that without asking for it..... but give myself whenever and to those i love and i am always there to love them, cherish them and pamper them.I love being treated just the way I am and I love God for making me who I am.

All this came to my mind today when i was buying a pretty pair of gold earrings and looked in the mirror ....wat i saw was me looking at a beautiful picture of a girl ....in all vanity being happy with a new pair of earrings...it was a pure joy of owning something pretty and looking beautiful. Its all the same as may be the boys experience with their sports bikes. But i chose my happiness and Love Being a Girl.

Livin n Dreamin....

No sarcasm, no reality bites!!!
I completely love those dreams.
Why condemn them?Poor
wish fulfilling devices o ours.

"I live in the mind and soul.
Gnaw away at sullen hearts..
Of prince and pauper alike.
I'am your dream."

Wounded that seek upliftment..
Life in struggles shall save thee
Dreams build upon chances
Chances always follow loss n win.

"I give hope, I beseech
Think of me , do not grieve;
I shall surrender when none give
I' am ur dream."

Hope in dark nights
A tawny flame of respite
I have lived my dreams
I have died with some.

"Phoenix shall rise unstopped
For in me it can see..
That nothing impossible is.
I'am ur dream."

Moments of glory
Are for those who seek in blind.
Lost in the deserts of despair
For mirages to see.

No illusions as moments pass by
Making sandcastles and bursting bubbles...
I'am the Dreamcatcher!!
I'am the Living within You!!

Deep in my system!!

Today of all days...i am transported back in time...to be held for trial against myself and i stand in no guilt for all that is buried under the black mask of being human :
The sleep is nice;Heavy n sweet.
But forget not the night!!
Long n far from by-gone.
Its hostile unfriendly and fair


Fair is the system within
The darkness of the soul.
How shall one escape,the sins;
Committed in blissful sleep?


The morning comes
The light falls on u..
Try ur best to hide,hide behind;
Wat u call being" just human"


A hungry slumber of wats right
When desire deciet n greed play
Sordid pranks outright.
I slept n slept too long.

Plunge the vexations
Into that dark pit in my soul
Lets play the games people play
Life is of the winner.

I am a winner allright
But life is such...if i may chose
To call it so!!I walk ahead
But somtimes i turn behind and look into that mirror of my soul.

The Day One

To have someplace to post ur mind...is as awesome as havin a space and liking it n making it grow around u. Feeling and expression...one without the other in my terms would be unhinged.....and as i reflect on this......i think about all the understanding people talk of and how much do we know eachother.......trust confidentiality heavy words come into picture when we express ourselves.......but i will still act like a kid rejoicing in watever i call my own.......so friends....fellowmen.....fortune seekers.....gallant galers....this blog is mine ...from here and now......yeeeepeeee......woooohooooooo...i am loving it.Happy Blogging AHOY...!!!